The third mention of divorce

My wife was in a very bad mood yesterday. I don’t know why but everyone knew it. She was just pretty unbearable for it. Sounds like one of the kids said something and then she mentioned this in a mid-morning conversation.

I wasn’t prepared at all for what comes next. This is where your partner throws a grenade on life as you know it.

She lead in the conversation indicating that one of the kids noticed she was not very happy lately — No shit, yesterday was that day. Anyways the next thing she says is I want an open marriage or a divorce and I need to decide. She says we have grown apart – well maybe she has, but I still love her and nothing has changed – sure I been a little annoyed at being pushed away constantly, but I am still here. She says she is not in love, not the way it was initially. Again she has pushed me away beyond the point where I guess I am not important. My wife will be eating dinner with me at the table and be using her phone and talking on Facebook Messenger etc. This is something that she has continued to do for a while and I even made a mention of it back in late November. She also seems to use her phone alot now randomly at night – which I had noticed for a while now. You’ll come to bed and she will be using her phone in the dark or you roll over in the middle of the night and she is using her phone. Like I said, pretty annoying. Her phone usage and secret nature is out of control in the past 12 or more months.

She ends up saying I don’t love you any more and I want to see other people. I want to find happiness.

She had asked for a Divorce back on 17th Nov 2018 after we had a bit of a heated number of words. My oldest boy was present back then and was witness to it. He was very upset. I wasn’t impressed how she presented things back then at that time.

My wife hasn’t been the best communicator in recent years, as she wouldn’t really talk to me about problems. In past conversations she was unhappy that she did everything and felt I was lazy. Sure I can be lazy and hard to motivate, but she will also do something then hold it over your head because she did it. Which really is not nice either. I really wish she sat down and spoke about it, and even helped me take on this work she wanted me too and then hold me accountable to it – rather then just do it and clearly not say anything.

Of course I wasn’t in any mood to hear this conversation, especially since I was trying to work and focus on work at hand. I told her to leave me alone and I didn’t want to hear it.

It was soon after this that I felt my world and life was falling apart. I then had a migraine come on and that take me over for the next 36 hours or more.
I’ve never felt so hurt in my life. Talk about the biggest blow. I really hate myself, and I hate the fact that it came to this. If only she was more open about the situation that has caused her to push me further away all this time. Of course I noticed everything, but I gave her space, and that hasn’t done anything for the situation.

I am in no mood to think about it or consider what she said, because I am just not seeing things straight. I continue to work through the day and even at one point was going to excuse myself the rest of the day around 3pm – because the migraine was insane and I just needed to think.

I honestly can see how people get caught up in this and make rash decisions like commit criminal acts and/or take one’s own life. It really does overwhelm you.

My only focus is my kids. I don’t want them to go through a divorce and honestly, I am not sure how what she has proposed would affect me. I feel compromised thinking about an open marriage, and honestly lets face it. I married the woman I loved at the time and had kids with her. I don’t feel any differently about her, sure I wish intimacy and everything else was like it was when we was first married. This might be one pill hard to swallow.